I wanted forgiveness and heaven, but I thought doing what God wanted would make me unhappy

I was brought up in a Christian family, so I always knew Jesus had done the unthinkably difficult thing of being punished by God the Father so that I could be forgiven by him if I just trusted him. I knew this was good news — the bit I didn’t like was being 100% committed to Jesus.

I desperately wanted all the good things being a Christian has to offer; forgiveness, heaven, etc., but I didn’t want to do anything that was too difficult or uncomfortable for me. I thought doing what God wanted would stop me being happy.

I knew that some people who were Christians went to other countries to tell people they can have a right relationship with God because Jesus died on the cross to forgive them. I thought this was a great thing to do — great idea for someone else to do, that is, but not for me! Some people love the idea of travelling, but not me. I’m a home-bird. Studying in London seemed like the other end of the world.

But God has taught me a lot about trusting him for the future. I used to try to control my own life and future — but never very successfully. I now realise that the scarier thing is trying to control things myself rather than trusting God. He is in control anyway, so trusting him and praying to him about my fears and concerns is a much happier place to be.

So despite being a home-bird, for the last four years, I’ve been living in Japan with my husband and two young children. We want to tell Japanese people about Jesus so that they can have the opportunity to know the true and living God.

It’s funny how things turn out, isn’t it? My biggest fear came true and yet I am happier than I ever dreamed I would be. I know I can trust God with all my fears; knowing and trusting him is the happiest place to be. He made us as people who will only ever be truly satisfied and happy when we find our satisfaction and happiness in him.